I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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