i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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