So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
