if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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