So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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