I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
