Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
