last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
