this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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