I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
