We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
