IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
