When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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