you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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