Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
