I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
