if you like me you must not know who I am
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you will always have a special place in my vag
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
