I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
