Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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