woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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