not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
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Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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