How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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