DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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