Christians are straight up FREAKS
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
