new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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