College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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