I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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