remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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