Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
