worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're too hungover to prance.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
