Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now