Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
