I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You can't special order awesome
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.