I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?