I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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