i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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