going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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