Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
