I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I believe in your delicious
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
