Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he thought i was a dude.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
