Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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