You're completely useless in the revolution.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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