As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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