I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
