The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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