Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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