I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize