There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
