Are we in a gay sports bar?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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