oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
