Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
