Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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