I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
