I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
