I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
