fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
