Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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