why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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