Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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