Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
