...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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