this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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