it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are two peas in an std pod
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
