Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
