I wish my penis had an off switch
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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