Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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