May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
