Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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