Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
