I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pants are for mortals
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
