while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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