And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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