She is in my trunk
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
