So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
