This dress was meant to end up on your floor
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
