where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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