You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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