you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
