did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
