batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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