i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
