I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
