3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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