I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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